


Gone

by what_should_i_post_here



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Deception, M/M, Meditation, Memory, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Secrets, Semi-Dramatic, Tags May Change, Turtlecest, tcest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-01 02:35:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8603842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/what_should_i_post_here/pseuds/what_should_i_post_here
Summary: Donnie creates an invention to rid himself of the new developed feelings for his brother.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally gonna just be a little oneshot where April found out about Donnie's feelings for Raph, who then overheard and cuteness ensued.
> 
> But then it turned into this semi-dramatic multi-chapter...thing. Chapters are pretty short, so I'll try to continue as often as possible. Thanks for reading!

April was helping out Donatello in his lab. She wasn't entirely sure **what** he was working on, but all the other turtles were busy, so she offered him her help.

While mindlessly working on...whatever, he suddenly mumbled out, "Screwdriver."

Since it had been a while since April has done anything but watch him, she reached out to grab the tool for him, just as he was reaching for it himself.

Both of them brushed hands for a moment and she dared a glance at the smart turtle for an ever apparent and - as much as she wouldn't like to admit it - adorable blush to cross his cheeks.

But it never came. April backed away from the tool, allowing Donnie to grab it properly as he continued to mess with his work. The teen girl might have labeled this under his sometimes "too preoccupied with his science to notice anything" attitude, but this had been going on for a few weeks now.

April wasn't complaining, of course. Donnie's attempts to _woo_ her over the past couple years had been entertaining for the most part, but otherwise very annoying. Especially when Casey came into the picture. She was still curious, though.

"Donnie," She said, finally, sitting upright to look at him. He nodded to affirm he had heard her, but stayed focused on his project. She breathed out. "Look, I'm sure I'm going to regret asking this but...why haven't you been..." She cleared her throat in attempt to search for a decent word. "Pursuing me lately?"

He halted for a moment and April felt her cheeks burn, hoping her choice word didn't throw him off.

"W-what do you mean?"

"You know, the way you say things, o-or do things...especially when Casey is around...?" She looked up and caught one of Donnie's eye ridges slightly rising up in question. She let out an exasperated sigh. "You know what I mean, Don."

The genius turtle gave a slight chuckle. "Do you want me to continue "pursuing" you?"

"No, I just-"

"Miss all the attention, do you?"

"Don," She pressed.

His laugh dissolved into a slight sigh. "Gee, April, I don't know, I guess I just..." He trailed off.

Not satisfied with letting this go, April spoke up again. "What is it? Do you like someone else?"

"Huh?" Donatello froze and a screw he'd been about to tighten fell off the random machine and clanged onto the floor.

April gasped. "You do, don't you?"

"You know, I just realized, I have to-"

"Who is it?" She interrupted.

"April, I-I-"

"It's not Karai, is it?" The teen girl had noticed she and Leo hadn't really been making any efforts to becoming a couple, but their infatuation with each other was still evidently there.

"No no, not Karai," He insisted.

"Then who?"

"N-nobody!"

April smirked, crossing her arms as she leaned further back in her chair. "Obviously it's someone or you wouldn't be all...jittery right now."

"I'm not jittery," Donnie insisted, stubbornly trying to pull at a loose screw with his slightly shaking hands and dropping it on the floor along with the other one.

April raised an eyebrow and the turtle chuckled awkwardly.

"Donnie, come on! You know you can tell me-"

"Hey, April," Raphael stepped into the lab, giving the girl a hearty wave.

"Hey, Raph," She smiled, sitting up in her chair. Donnie didn't seem to acknowledge his older brother's entrance, his hands still shaking slightly.

"Did Donnie rope you into helping him or something?"

"Nope, I offered."

Raph chuckled. "Why the shell would anyone do that?" He reached his brother, placing his hands on the genius's shoulders and giving a rough squeeze.

Donatello froze under his touch, before regaining his composure and frowning. "Raph, cut it out, I'm working here."

"Looks more like you're making a mess," The older turtle chuckled, observing the floor, which was slowly being covered in loose screws.

Then an idea seemed to suddenly pop in his head and his eyes went wide. "Oh, I wasn't interrupting anything, was I?"

The other two quickly shot up at Raph's assumption. "What? No!"

He backed up. "Well okay then." He headed towards the door before muttering a quick, "I was only kidding, anyway."

April relaxed into her chair again. She turned towards Donnie, who lingered on the doorway much longer than necessary and then with a quick blink, returned to his work.

Before she could question that, Raph returned, peeking in.

"Oh, Don, by the way," He said. "I was just wondering, when you get the chance, would you mind taking a look at my punching bag? I think I might've popped a hole in it. Keeps spilling beans everywhere."

"Of course, Raph," Donnie smiled, his gap showing through. "I'll get to it as soon as I can."

The hot-headed turtle winked before disappearing again. "You're the best!"

"You too," Donnie replied softly, causing April's eyebrows to lift into her hair.

After a moment, the turtle seemed to return to reality and focused on her. "What?"

"Oh my God..."


	2. Chapter 2

"Raph?"

"April, I-"

"Your _brother_ , Raph?"

"April, quiet, please!" He begged, reaching over to cover her mouth. He watched the open doorway for a moment, making sure no one had heard her loud realization. When he was certain they were safe, he removed his hand.

He expected to find a judgmental stare on his human friend, not the wide grin that practically took over her entire face.

"April...?"

"This is so great!"

"Y-you're not mad?" Donnie asked, rather shocked. "Or disgusted?"

"Why would I be?"

"Because he's my brother!" He hissed lowly, when he once again remembered the wide open door.

"Maybe," She snorted. "You guys are different heights, after all. You've got different eye colors. Plus your skin. Your more of a light green color and Raph is darker, like...like a..."

"Like an emerald."

April's face broke into a wide grin again and Donnie blushed.

"Look, I've thought about that, too," He said, ignoring her teasing smile. "But it doesn't change the fact that we grew up together, blood-related or not."

"So, what?" She frowned. "You're just gonna hide your feelings forever?"

"If I have to."

"We both know you're not very good at that, Don," April smirked, arms crossed.

Donatello sighed and returned to his project, as if to say the conversation was over. Before he could continue and tighten another loose screw, April reached out and placed her hand over his. "Donnie...?"

He breathed out. "I've got the rest of this taken care of. You can go now."

"But Don-"

"Goodbye, April."

\--------------------

April paced the turtle's lair, just outside of Donnie's lab. It had been days since she found out about his crush on Raphael. Days since he stubbornly kicked her out because of it.

She took some time to reflect on her realization after that. Donnie seemed to think she'd be disgusted by the very idea. He seemed to feel that way himself.

But then April remembered that smile he had given Raphael before the hot-headed turtle left the lab. She'd never seen him so happy...

She'd been down in the sewers every day since then, but she never saw the genius turtle once. He was avoiding her, she realized. And she had had enough.

Just when she finally made up her mind to enter the lab and give Donnie a piece of her mind, a voice stopped her.

"Wouldn't go in there if I were you."

She spun around to face the voice. It was Raph, pounding away at his punching bag.

"Why not?"

He shrugged. "He's just gonna kick you out. He's been kicking everybody out." She detected a slight tinge of hurt in his voice. Then another noise caught her attention.

She looked down at Raph's feet and watched tiny beans scattering on the floor there.

She quirked an eyebrow. "That thing spring a leak again?"

The hot-head halted his movements. "Uh, no. Donnie just never got around to fixing it."

She blinked.

"Guess he's been too busy."

April noted that slight bit of hurt in his voice again and frowned. "Alright, that's it."

She stomped into Donnie's lab and stood in front of his desk. He was working on the same stupid machine he had been working on days before. Probably screwing in the same screw. The machine didn't look any more done than it had before.

"Donnie."

He didn't look up.

"Donatello," She said, a bit louder this time.

"Go away, April."

"Why haven't you fixed Raph's punching bag yet?"

He twitched. "I've been busy."

"Too busy to help your brother?"

"Yes."

She frowned again. "So that's your big plan for getting over your crush, hmm? Ignoring him?"

"No, this is," He said, placing the tool he was holding down so he could lift up the machine.

She looked it over, carefully. Now realizing it looked to be some sort of helmet. "What is that?"

"I call it a Memory Wipe," He stated in a much less enthusiastic tone than he usually uses when showing off a new invention of his. "And, if calibrated correctly, it should be able to rid the mind of specific memories inside the cerebral cortex."


	3. Chapter 3

"So," April started, trying to piece together exactly what Donnie just said. "You're going to erase Raph from your mind?"

"I'm going to erase _my feelings_ for Raph from my mind," He corrected.

"B-but what if Raph feels the same way?"

Donatello sighed. Part of him had actually wondered this, too. Hoped it, actually. He wasn't sure exactly when his feelings for his hot-headed brother had blossomed into something more.

Between the four brothers, Donnie always felt he and Raph were the furthest from close. He always figured this was because they didn't really have anything in common and tried to accept that.

Over the past few months, though, Raphael had been more friendly towards him. Always asking how he was doing, bringing him food if he skipped a meal while busily working on a project, even watching him work late hours in the lab.

They were closer than they'd ever been that Donnie almost thought maybe Raph...

He shook his head. "Even if Raph did feel the same way," He started, shaking away the very idea. "There's no guarantee Master Splinter, or Leo, would approve."

"They just want you to be happy," April tried. " _I_ want you to be happy. Donnie-"

"April, enough," He interrupted. " It's already decided."

Donatello began punching at the buttons on the side of the helmet, carefully calculating away in his head.

"If it works," She began, since it still seemed a little far-fetched, despite being created by the genius. "I'll just tell you what you did."

"I won't believe you."

April blinked. The words stung, he could tell. But he had meant them to. After all was said and done, he didn't want this subject to come up ever again.

"I'll just show you the helmet then!"

He shook his head. "After I finish using it, after I take it off, I plan on having it...self-destruct, so to speak."

"It's going to explode," April admonished. "That's a bit dramatic, don't you think, Don?"

"Not explode," He continued. "Re-format. After its first use, it will program into something completely different."

"Donnie, this is ridiculous," She said, finally, uncrossing her arms in a huff. "I'm getting Raph right now and fixing this."

"Good luck with that," The genius turtle muttered as she stomped out of the room.

\--------------------

"Raph? Raph!" April called making her way through the lair. "Raphael!"

She paused for a moment, tapping her shoe impatiently against the floor when she heard noises coming from the dojo.

She walked in to find Leo and Raph practicing sparring. Normally she would wait until the fight was over (or at least one round, after one brother has successfully pinned down the other), but rounds could last forever when it came to these two and she really didn't have time to wait.

Thankful that Master Splinter wasn't around to catch her interrupting, she strode between the two circling brothers, before they had a chance to lunge at each other.

"Raph, I need you, now!" April said, grabbing the hot head's arm and attempting to drag him from the room.

"For what?"

"April, we're kind of in the middle something here."

"I know and I'm sorry, Leo, but this is important."

The leader sheathed his swords and looked right at her, practice completely forgotten. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"It's nothing," She tried. "It's just Donnie-"

"What's wrong with Donnie?" Leo asked, concerned. He had noticed that the genius turtle had been acting strange the last few days. Donnie had been absent for almost every activity, save for morning practice (which was NEVER to be missed), but even then he wasn't... all there.

Leo hadn't thought much of it, as a vacant-minded Donnie was normal. Especially when he had his mind focused on a new experiment of his.

April hesitated at the question. Bringing up Donnie's current dilemma with Raph was one thing (it did have to do with _him_ , after all), but she wasn't sure the genius turtle would ever forgive her if she got Leo involved, too.

"Nothing," She blurted. "He just, uh...needs Raph for an experiment he's working on."

Leo glanced at Raph who shrugged his shoulders in return.

"Well, okay," The blue-banded turtle said, removing his katanas again. "I'm gonna try to get a few more minutes of practice in, then I'll check up on you guys."

"Sounds good," April tried to smile, tugging on Raph's arm again. That should give her more than enough time to sort this little problem out.

When Raph finally decided to start walking on his own, April removed her grip on his arm and headed towards the lab.

April strolled inside and over to Donnie's desk, but Raph held back, leaning on the doorframe. Probably afraid of being kicked out again.

"Donnie?" The teen girl spoke up. When he didn't respond, she tried again. "Donnie, Raph is here."

The turtle in question shot up then and glanced at the doorway. "Oh hey, Raph!"

"Hey."

When the genius turtle smiled at him, Raph carefully stepped further into the lab. "Did you uh, need me for something?"

Donnie made a face. "No. Did you need _me_ for something?"

April frowned. "I brought Raph in here to discuss..." She trailed off, watching Donnie's eyes on her as she spoke to him. He seemed...strange, somehow. She could see it, feel it.

"Donnie, are you okay?" She placed her hand on the tall turtle's shoulder and watched as he froze under her touch, and then a very slight blush crossed over his cheeks.

Her stomach lurched. "Oh no."


	4. Chapter 4

"What is it?" Raph asked, making April realize she had muttered that _"oh no"_ out loud. "What's wrong with Donnie?"

The genius turtle pulled away from April and cleared his throat. "What? _What?_ Nothing's wrong with me, I'm fine."

"Then what did you need me for?"

"I didn't need you for anything." Donnie turned to his friend. "April, what's going on?"

April was still slightly in shock to what she just discovered. Donnie blushed when she touched him, which means he used his invention and it actually...worked?

Whatever the helmet did seemed to erase exactly what Donnie wanted erased and brought him back several months ago, before he started to feel things, non-brotherly things, for his slightly older brother. But...how?

"Where is it?" She blurted.

"Where is what?"

"Don't play dumb, Donnie," April almost spat. "Your mind wiper...thing. The-the helmet!"

He cocked an eye ridge at her. Not really in a rude way, though. He appeared to be genuinely clueless.

She looked around the room. It couldn't have gone far. She wasn't gone that long. She circled the room, tossing anything in her path as she searched.

Raphael remained where he was, his slight eye ridge raise the only indication that he was even paying attention to the current scene.

"April, whoa, hey!" Donnie exclaimed, shocked by her behavior. "What's the problem? What are you looking for?"

"This!" She returned, triumphantly holding the helmet in the air.

"The...virtual reality helmet I've been working on for Mikey's video game?"

April blinked. "W-what? No! That's not what it is and you know it, Donnie! It's a mind wipe. You used it to erase your mind of..." She paused, glancing over her shoulder at Raph.

"What?" The red-banded turtle asked, starting to get slightly agitated at being kept out of the loop. "What's she talking about, Donnie?"

"I-I don't know." He turned to the teen girl. "April, are you alright?"

She glared. "Are _you_?"

"I'm...I'm fine."

"I think April might need to lie down," Raph cut in, stepping behind her.

"I don't need to lie down," She grumbled, pulling away from Raph's grasp. "I need to talk to Donnie. _Alone_."

"Well, Donnie's busy!"

"No, no, it's okay, Raph," The purple-banded turtle said much more calmly than the other two. "I can spare a few minutes."

Raph looked back between Donnie and April. "Fine, whatever," He mumbled, heading for the door.

"Oh, and Raph?"

The turtle in question gave a gruff "hmm?" in reply.

"As soon as I'm done here, I'll get to your punching bag, okay?"

April blinked and focused on the brother's exchange just then, watching as Donnie grinned at his brother.

Raph hesitated before grinning back. "Sure. Thanks, Don."

As soon as April was sure Raph was gone, she spoke up. "What the hell was that?"

"What?"

April was beside herself. If Donnie's invention had actually worked, sending his mind months into the past when he still liked her and his feelings for Raph were non-existent, then _how_ did he know about Raph's busted punching bag?

"It's not possible."

"What's not?"

"You can't just erase certain parts of your brain, Donnie!" She yelled. "You can't erase your feelings!"

The tall turtle blinked at her. "April, what's this about?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really appreciate all the feedback/comments, guys! They're all really insightful. I hope you all still stick around the further I get into the plot, lol.
> 
> Side note: In this chapter, April mentions alternate universes and in the 2012 series, that doesn't happen till the 4th season, but I kinda envision this story takes place around the 2nd-3rd season when April's still getting used to her powers.

April scoffed. "So you're telling me you can remember Raph busting his punching bag from almost a week ago, but you can't remember the conversation we had less than a half hour ago?"

Donnie paused. "April, I haven't seen you in days."

"Stop it, Donnie!" She glared at the turtle, as if trying to read his thoughts. What could it be? If it wasn't his mind traveling back several months... Could it be he created an alternate version of himself? One that would never develop more than brotherly feelings towards Raph?

She looked at the ground and picked up the helmet. She placed it rather hard on the desk in front of him. "Look at this."

Donnie blinked, startled by the machine crashing in front of him. "What?"

"Look at this and tell me it is, and _always has been_ , a virtual reality helmet."

He gave her a sad smile. "It has been."

"You didn't even look at it!" April exclaimed. "You told me it would re-format. You..." She contemplated, biting her lip. "Different you. Now I want _you_ to look at it and tell me it's not 100% legit."

"April, this has always been Mikey's virtual reality helmet," Donnie pressed. "He's been testing it out for me for a few weeks now."

"Oh yeah?" April crossed her arms. "So if I got Mikey right now, he'd know what this is?"

Donnie nodded carefully.

April narrowed her eyes at him. Then she pulled out her phone, dialed, and placed it by her ear. "Mikey, it's April. Get in the lab right now."

Less than a minute later, Mikey strolled in. Clearly he wasn't far when he got the call. "What up?"

"What is this?" She pointed to the helmet still on Donnie's desk.

"My virtual reality thing-y!" Mikey grinned and April gaped. "Is it finally done, bro?"

"Almost, Mikey," He returned. "Its had some recent damage done to it that I need to look at." He made a subtle glance at April.

"That's not possible," April held her head. None of this was possible. Unless... Unless Donnie's machine sent _HER_ to the alternate dimension. Was that possible?

She knew the turtles had done it before, but was Donnie really that desperate that he would send her to a world that's not her own... Just to keep her mouth shut?

April held her head as a wave of panic set in. It was painful thinking Donnie would do such a thing. There was no way... No way... She pressed her fingers hard against her temples attempting to compose herself.

She looked up to see if her brief episode had been noticed by the other two turtles. Mikey was completely oblivious, walking around with the virtual helmet on his head, despite Don previously telling him it still needed to be worked on.

And Donnie... April focused on the smart turtle in front of her. He looked upset, concerned, and some emotion she couldn't quite identify in her current state.

It made her stomach lurch uncomfortably again.

"I-I gotta get out of here!" April ran for the door, running right into another turtle.

"Leo!"

"Is everything alright?" The leader turtle asked, attempting to peek over April's shoulder and into the lab.

"Everything's fine," Raph answered for him. He was sitting on the couch on the main room, tossing a ball into the air and catching it. "Well, with Donnie, anyway."

"What did he want?"

"Nothing," Raph shrugged. "He seems to be in better spirits, though. Can't say the same for April."

The teen girl glared at the ball-tossing turtle.

"What's he mean?" Leo asked, turning his attention to her. "Is everything okay, April?"

"Everything's fine," She breathed out, annoyed. "My... head just hurts."

The blue-banded turtle paused for a moment, watching her carefully. "Well, I was just about to meditate. You should join me."

April really didn't want to say yes. She wanted to go home, lie down, and forget everything that just happened in the past hour. The past _week_ , rather.

"No, that's okay, Leo," She finally said. "I'm okay."

He leaned forward, just a hint of a smirk on his lips. "I wasn't really asking."


	6. Chapter 6

April watched from the doorway as Leo began lighting the candles that had already been set up in the middle of the dojo.

The leader then proceeded to sit cross-legged on the ground, hands resting on his knees, palms up, fingers together. He closed his eyes and breathed out.

After a few moments of Leo just calmly breathing, April blinked, wondering if he had forgotten she was even there. She glanced outside the doorway, curious how far she could get trying to escape before Leo would catch her. Sure, he was fast, but-

"Don't even think about it," Leo said, his eyes still shut. "Sit."

April mocked the turtle under her breath as she walked into the room. She got into position, right beside Leo, her knee just barely brushing his as she got comfortable.

"Tell me what's bothering you."

"Nothing's bothering me."

Leo chuckled. "Your aura tells a different story."

April rolled her eyes. After another moment she bit her lip. "I have a secret."

She had yet to close her eyes, so she watched as Leo slowly nodded his head. "Master Splinter says secrets can weigh down the soul. You might feel better if you told someone about it."

She could tell by the way Leo said it that he wasn't being nosy, just trying to be helpful.

"I can't."

Leo raised in eye ridge.

"It's not my secret to tell."

"Ah," He nodded again. "That does make it more difficult."

It was silent for a moment. April unconsciously closed her eyes during the quiet. Once she lost her sight, everything around her suddenly became louder. The flickering of the candle flames, Leo's steady breathing, and her unsteady heartbeat.

"Perhaps mediating on it may at least take a little of the burden off your shoulders," Leo commented breezily.

April rolled her eyes again, but she supposed the sooner she at least _pretended_ to meditate, the sooner she could go home.

After a few calming breaths, her mind immediately conjured up an image of Donnie. It was him on the day she found out about his feelings for Raph. His blush, so much darker than any blush ever brought on by her.

She thought of Raph. The exchange between the two brothers that made her realize Donnie's secret crush. She compared it to the exchange between them just a little while ago. How similar they seemed.

Could it be she was just imagining things? Was it really just platonic, brotherly love between them? Donnie had admitted to the crush, but maybe he had a good reason to erase it. Maybe Raph really didn't feel that way back.

Her words, her attitude over the past few days echoed through her mind now. Did she really want Donnie to be happy? Or was she just trying to make something happen, to pretend something was there, to finally get Donnie's feelings off of her? Was she being selfish or sincere?

April wanted to believe the latter, but now she wasn't so sure. Sure, Donnie messing with his brain wasn't the most logical way to go about it, but she really shouldn't have any say on the matter.

And even if Raph _did_ like Donnie that way. Could it really go any further than just feelings?

More words echoed in her brain. Donnie's worry of Master Splinter and Leo and how they may not approve. Without the anger muddling her brain, she realized that was an understandable fear.

April's brain started to hurt then and after a slow exhale, she opened her eyes, and got to her feet.

"Alright, I feel a lot better," April mumbled, standing up. Thinking over everything didn't seem to settle her mind quite the way meditation was supposed to, though she was glad to have a quiet moment to reflect on it.

She was still worried about the current situation she was in. Whether that be Donnie's back-tracked mind or the possibility that she was trapped in another dimension.

After shifting from one foot to the other to steady herself, April started heading for the doorway. "See ya, Leo."

Before she had a chance to leave however, the leader's next words stopped her dead in her tracks. "What makes you so sure Donnie has a crush on Raph?"

"Crap," April muttered.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know anything about mediation, besides what I've seen on TMNT or read in fanfics, so if anything seems wrong or a little "out there", well that's why.
> 
> Constructive criticism is welcome, though.

April paused for a moment, before bringing her focus back on Leo.

He had yet to move from his meditation position on the floor of the dojo, but his eyes were open now.

She leaned against the doorframe, attempting casualty. "What was that?"

"While you were meditating," Leo said. "Your thoughts kept coming back to Donnie and Raph. And the possibility that..." The leader's cheeks darkened and April had a hard time figuring out if it was due to embarrassment or anger.

A mixture of both, she decided.

"How did..." She knew it was possible, of course. If one opened their mind to meditation, it was possible that someone else mediating close by could catch a glimpse of their thoughts.

"It wasn't easy," Leo admitted. "Whether that be due to your special powers or the fact that you're too stubborn to completely free your mind during mediation, but your thoughts of Donnie and Raph were strong, right on the surface."

"Yeah, well," April began, searching for an excuse. Lying never came easy to her. "I've just been...worried about them, that's all. The Donnie and Raph thoughts were _completely_ different problems that have _nothing_ to do with each other."

She gave a crooked smile that Leo just returned with an almost bemused expression. April then turned for the door again, home sounding more and more appealing the longer this day went on.

"If it's any consulation," Leo spoke up. "I think Raph has a crush on Donnie, too."

The teen girl's eyes widened and she spun around to face Leo again. "What..." She cleared her throat, trying to act indifferent. "W-what makes you think that?"

"Things I've seen," He admitted. "Things I've heard." He sighed, unfolding his legs, stretching them out in front of him. "Being a ninja is both a blessing and a curse, sometimes."

"A-and, not that I'm _admitting_ anything, but assuming Donnie likes Raph that way too... How do you...feel about that?"

Leo shrugged his shoulders, trying to hide a blush. "I don't really know. It's still strange to me."

"But, I mean, if they _were_ to...admit their feelings for each other...would you be...okay with that?"

"I don't know," Leo said, a bit firmer this time.

April watched the leader as he tried to hide his pained expression. She wondered what would happen if she told him what Donnie had done to himself, or possibly to _her_...

Would he try to fix it? Or would he approve of Donnie's crazy method, as it would put an end to a problem he clearly wasn't sure how to go about.

April decided to keep her mouth shut, thankful she didn't think about her current situation during her short mediation or else Leo would probably already know all about it.

"Right, well..." She spoke after a moment. "I...I-I should get home. My dad's probably worried sick about me."

"Okay." Leo got up and strolled over to April. "Thank you for mediating with me."

She huffed lightly, though there was a smile on her face. "It's not as if you really gave me a choice."

"You always have a choice, April," He said, placing a hand on her shoulder.

After a moment, he spoke again. "Your thoughts were heavy. I could tell there was a lot more bothering you than just keeping that little secret. And if you ever feel like unloading some of that other stress, just know I'm here for you."

His hand lingered on her shoulder, squeezing reassuringly a few times before he pulled away, his fingertips gently sliding down the length of her arm.

"Right," April mumbled out, unconsciously shivering at the contact. "Thank you, Leo."


	8. Chapter 8

Raph continued throwing his ball in the air and catching it, though his mind remained focused on the exchange between his eldest brother and April, just across the way.

When Leo stepped inside the dojo, April reluctantly following behind moments later, the hot-headed turtle was tempted to sneak to the doorway and listen in.

He was still a little annoyed with what had just recently happened, from April dragging him into Donnie's lab, to the two of them discussing something that he was pretty sure included him...without _actually_ including him.

He tried to convince himself that his annoyance had nothing to do with the fact that Donnie and April suddenly seemed closer than they'd been in months.

When he grabbed the ball from the air again, he squeezed it roughly, causing his hand to burn at the pressure.

He looked to the door of the dojo again, finally deciding a quick listen couldn't hurt when Mikey jumped onto the couch right beside him.

"Mikey, what the-" Raph looked over at his younger brother. "What is that?"

"It's a virtual reality helmet!" He answered, pulling it off his head. "Donnie made it for me! It's like a video game that you _wear_."

Raph was trying to listen to his brothers words, but he couldn't take his eyes off the helmet. The helmet April had been so obsessed with in the strange out-of-loop conversation that went on between her and Donnie earlier.

"I call it "The Headcase"!" Mikey finished, holding up the helmet like a trophy.

Raph couldn't help but chuckle at that, nudging his brother. "Then that's perfect for you, Numbskull."

Mikey either didn't hear the note of tease in the other turtle's voice or he just chose to ignore it. He smiled. "I know, right?"

Raph watched his little brother put on the helmet again and tried to clear his throat, as a wave of discomfort came over him.

Disconnected words from April's discussion with Donnie passed through his mind, trying to collect themselves. She'd been so worried, no **repulsed** by whatever this thing was...

Could it really be as dangerous as she thought it to be? Donnie would never give Mikey something that dangerous, would he?

"S-so, what kinda game is on that thing? I heard April mention something about "mind wiping"?"

Mikey shook his head. "No, Donnie hasn't put in any games yet. But it does have some scenery that looks way cool." He turned his helmet-covered head to his brother. "Wanna see?"

"No...no thanks."

Mikey pulled the helmet off again, placing it in his lap. "I'll have to ask Donnie about that mind game, though. Sounds interesting. I could call it: "The Mindsweeper"!"

"Uhm," Raph tried to look indifferent, keeping his focus off the strange helmet. "Yeah, no. Don't bother Donnie about that. I probably just...misheard April."

"Alright then," Mikey shrugged. "I'm getting kinda hungry. You wanna grab some lunch?"

Raph eyed the dojo again, before turning his eyes back to his little brother. "Y-yeah, that sounds like a good idea."

"Great, I'll go get it started!" The orange-banded turtle raced for the kitchen, then called over his shoulder. "I'll let you know when it's ready!"

Raphael waved as a reply to Mikey then looked down at the helmet he had left on the couch.

He poked at the surface lightly with his index finger, then drew back as if it were made of fire.

He contemplated testing it out, or going to Donnie to ask him about it. He really wanted to see Donnie, but not to talk about some stupid helmet thing.

He didn't even really want to talk about the discussion between him and April. Not now, anyway, though part of him was still kinda curious what that was all about.

He just wanted to see Don. He hadn't hung out with his brother in over a week and it was really starting to get to him.

Raph cleared his throat gruffly, wondering how much time he'd have with his brainiac brother before Mikey called them to lunch, when April and Leo came back to the doorway of the dojo.

He'd forgotten all about wanting to peek in on that. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but the end of the exchange made the hot-head cock an eye ridge curiously.

April walked towards the exit of the lair, briefly talking to Mikey, who had just exited the kitchen, before leaving altogether.

Leo's eyes lingered on the lair's exit far longer than they needed to making Raph chuckle as he made his way to his brother.

The leader turned to him. "What?"

Raph threw an arm over his older brother's shoulder, but before he had a chance to open his mouth and speak, Mikey's voice boomed through the lair, signaling everyone to lunch.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: STORY RATING HAS NOW CHANGED
> 
> THIS CHAPTER IS RATED NC-17 FOR TCEST
> 
> My sister is visiting for the next couple weeks, so I might be kinda late on the next chapter update.

_Raphael ran a hand over his face trying to focus. For the life of him he couldn't remember where he was or how he got there. He just knew he felt hot. Very,_ very _hot._

_When his vision finally cleared, he realized he was in his room. Then a hand that was similar to (but definitely **NOT** ) his, touched his thigh making him realize he wasn't alone._

_He dared glance down and spotted- "Donnie!" He practically jumped right out of his shell._

_Donatello, his brother, the turtle he'd been lusting over the past few months, was kneeling between his legs, his head just inches from his crotch._

_The turtle in question traced a finger over the thigh his hand had been resting on and gently pushed against it, in attempt to widen the space where he sat._

_A churr rolled through Raph, causing his head to spin and his body felt like it was on fire. But a perfect, comfortable fire._

_Donnie smiled, showing off that little gap of his. That gap that often kept Raph up late at night, just wondering what it would be like to run his tongue through it while kissing him..._

_Suddenly, the gap disappeared and the lips that hid them were now on his skin, kissing, licking, and nipping at his thigh._

_Raph's breath hitched as the kisses drew closer to his ever growing bulge. Donnie blew lightly over his crotch causing Raph to shiver._

_He wanted to grab Donnie, touch him, just so he could know this was really happening, but he couldn't move._

_When Donnie's lips grazed over his slowly opening slit, Raph opened his mouth in attempt to cry out, but he realized he couldn't speak either._

_This didn't seem to bother Donnie, however, as he proceeded his delicious torture and ran the flat of his tongue over Raph's slit, ultimately releasing his cock. In an instant, he wrapped his lips around it and swallowed it whole._

\--------------------

"Donnie!" Raph cried out, rising up from his bed. He looked around, dazed. He was hot, yet cold at the same time.

He breathed heavily, a hand at his chest. _A dream. It was just a dream._ A very wrong, vivid, _amazing_ dream.

He shifted and soon realized the dream left him a little something behind. Groaning, he closed his eyes and conjured up the image of Donnie nestled between his legs, as he grabbed his morning wood and squeezed.

He hissed at the wonderful pressure and began to slowly pump himself trying to pretend it was Donnie's hand, or better yet, Donnie's mouth getting him off.

A few more minutes, and several tugs and pulls later, and Raph came in his hand. Then he grabbed for a towel on his dresser and cleaned himself off, just as he'd done so many other mornings he woke up like this.

After he was cleaned and tucked in, the hot-headed turtle gave himself a moment to regain his breathing, as well as a second to reflect on what would never - _could never_ \- be.

After lunch the previous day, he had tried all he could to get a moment with Donnie. There really wasn't any specific reason he wanted to see him, other than the fact he missed him.

His dreams over the brainiac turtle came whether he'd just seen him that day or not. Though, the longer he kept away from Donnie, the more intense they got.

He checked the clock by his bed and noticed it was still pretty early. Had it been any other day, he'd have to get ready for practice soon. But thankfully, it was Sunday, which meant practice was optional.

Leo always practiced on Sundays, but you'd never catch the other three turtles in the dojo on a Sunday unless they were being punished, or they had recently done something wrong and went to _avoid_ being punished later.

For this reason alone, Raph almost felt he should go. If only to clear his conscience. Before making a decision, the hot-head left his bedroom and made his way to the bathroom to take a shower.

In the shower, Raph found himself thinking about his dream again and brought himself to another climax, hoping that was enough to keep his mind, and body, at bay for the remainder of the day.

Raphael exited the bathroom a little while late, clean and dry, making his way to the dojo. He passed his punching bag on the way and, out of habit, gave it a light punch.

He waited for the tell-tale sound of beans scattering to the floor, a sound that has become familiar to him over the past week. When it didn't, however, he quickly turned around and gave the bag a bit harder of a punch.

Nothing, no leak. Donnie fixed it! It was a stupid thing to get excited over, really, but Raph really loved his punching bag. It was his own little stress reliever. Like Leo's meditation or Mikey's cooking.

It also made Raph happy to know it was because Donnie had done it for him, finally coming through on his promise he made almost a week ago.

Forgetting about practice for a moment, the red-banded brother continued pummeling his punching bag in a steady, easy rhythm.

"Take it easy," A voice joked behind him. "I don't want to have to fix that thing twice in one day."

Raph turned to find his genius brother smirking back at him. "Thanks, Don."

"Don't mention it." He looked down at the coffee mug in his hand, his smile disappearing. "Sorry it took so long."

"You've just been busy," Raph shrugged. "No biggie."

"Right," Donnie nodded, his eyes still on his coffee. "Busy."

The hot-head blinked curiously, when Donnie's head suddenly shot up.

"You're sure it's okay?" He asked. "I didn't have enough beans to completely fill it, so I had to use some stuffing, too."

"It's fine." Raph almost wanted to laugh at Donnie's concern. As if anyone would really notice that. "But don't take my word for it. Here." He turned away from the bag, placing his hand at the side, presenting it to his brother. "Why don't you try it out?"

Donnie blinked. "Oh no, that's okay, I believe-"

"Come on, Don," Raph insisted. "Punch it. It'll be good for you."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Your weapon is light," He said. "It keeps you toned, but it's not heavy enough to give you proper muscles like the rest of us."

As if to emphasize his point, Raph reached over and pinched Donnie's forearm, making a little squeaky noise.

"Hey, cut it out, Raph!" Donnie grumbled, though there was a hint of a smile on his face. "I'm just as muscled as the rest of you."

"Then prove it."

Donnie fixed his brother with a challenging stare. "Fine, but only because I'd like to check if the density of the bag is right."

Raph rolled his eyes.

"Hold this." Donnie shoved his coffee mug at Raph, causing a bit of the hot liquid to spill off the sides and land on his hands.

The hot-head barely noticed, though, his eyes on his brother as he made his way to the punching bag.

Donnie gave it a punch, then another, and another. Soon he had picked up a slow rhythm and Raph couldn't seem to look away.

It was always mesmerizing, watching his brother move like that. It was one of the reasons he often dreaded getting paired up with Donnie during sparring.

Watching Donnie during a spar always proved dangerous for Raph. His mind couldn't focus when he watched his brother's toned muscles moving, and over the past several months, he'd been pinned down by Donnie more times than he could count because of it.

Losing to his genius brother wasn't really the downside, though. It was the way his body reacted when Donnie's body pushed down on his in a pin.

Often times Raph had to yield even from a hold that he could have easily gotten out of simply because he needed a moment to collect himself.

Raph placed Donnie's mug on a nearby table and stepped over to his brother, the need to be closer to him overpowering the voice that told him to keep a safe distance from his brother.

"Say, you're pretty good at this."

Donnie grinned. "What, you think you're the only one who uses this as a stress outlet?"

The red-banded turtle blinked, surprised, as he really _did_ think that.

The taller of the two turtles stopped then to catch his breath. "It seems fine." He reached for his coffee cup and took a sip. "You heading to practice today?"

"Was thinking about it," Raph replied. "Are you?"

"I might just watch," He shrugged, taking another sip. There was a brief moment of silence, before he spoke again. "Well, I guess I'll see-"

"Donnie?" Raph interrupted.

"What is it?"

"I've just been wondering," The hot-head bit his lip, contemplating his next words. "What, uh...what was up with you and April yesterday?"

Donnie appeared to freeze up at the question. "It was nothing, don't worry about it."

"It just seemed kinda weird," Raph continued, as if Donnie hadn't even spoken. "She kept going on and on about you like... erasing your mind or something?" He tried to chuckle. "I mean, that's ridiculous, right?"

"Right."

"Right," Raph repeated. "So that helmet thing you gave Mikey... it's just a game, right?"

"Yes, well, I mean, it's a game _system_ ," He explained. "I-I'm still working on the games."

Raph gave a sigh of relief. "That's what I thought." He said, walking up to his brother and placing his hands on his arms, giving them a gentle squeeze. "I mean, what could you possibly want to erase your mind of?"

Donnie forced his eyes shut, pushing down the sensation that rolled through his body at his brother's touch.

"Oh..." He said quietly, though the question was obviously rhetorical. "I can think of a couple things."


End file.
